Pleasure vs Joy
As I write this, my wife is in the kitchen making cookies and brownies for an event related to my church assignment. Some of you may read that sentence and wonder why I’m not in there helping--those treats are for MY event afterall. That’s a fair question. The answer is that I am weak. When it comes to the sugary, fatty goodness that is found in cookies and brownies, I have a tendency to grab what is in reach and stuff it in my mouth. It is almost automatic.
Can you blame me? I mean think of that wonderful taste of chocolate and sugar. Imagine a hot cookie melting in your mouth. Anticipate the burst of energy that comes with the sugar rush. Eating brownies and cookies is a pleasurable experience.
Yet here I am in the bedroom typing instead of in the kitchen eating because one thing I like more than tasting those carbs is the confidence that comes from losing weight. You see, I’m trading the pleasure that comes from indulgence for the joy that comes from accomplishment.
This seems to be a distinction that is lost in today’s society. All around us are messages that tell us to take what we want now--no need to consider the long-term implications to ourselves or others. Want a cookie? Go ahead! Your spouse isn’t making you happy anymore? Time to move on! Didn’t want to get pregnant? Get an abortion--it’s your right! Can’t wait to get that new car, boat, or gadget? Put it on a payment plan!
While all of these things seem to bring us pleasure now, they rob us of something deeper and longer lasting--true joy. How can you tell the difference between pleasure and joy? Consider the following:
Pleasure is….
selfish
easy now
hard later
never enough
followed by regret
Joy is….
selfless
hard now
easy later
always enough
followed by contentment
The implications for individuals is pretty clear, but the distinction between pleasure and joy has implications for leaders too. All too often we try to win over our children, employees, or students with pleasures. We bribe with treats, gifts, and fun experiences.
Don’t misunderstand me. All of these things have their place and time, but they should not be the centerpiece of our leadership. Instead, we should provide those we lead with challenges, opportunities to grow and stretch, admonitions to be better, and encouragement to do hard things. Otherwise we become enablers, not leaders.
Christ himself exemplifies this kind of leadership. He told his disciples:
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
Yet he also told a rich young man to sell all he had and give it to the poor (Matthew 19:21) and commanded us all to “be ye therefore perfect” (Matthew 5:48). This seems like a contradiction until you understand the power of seeking joy instead of pleasure.
You see, seeking joy may be difficult in the short-run, but it makes life immensely better in the long-run. Avoiding sweets and exercising is hard, but being healthy makes life much easier. Avoiding impulse purchases and delaying gratification is hard, but life is much easier when you live below your means. Getting an education is hard, but providing for yourself and your family is much easier when you have skills. Being a parent is very hard, but nothing compares to the joy that comes from seeing your children learn and grow.
Christ allows difficulty to come into our lives and demands high standards not because He doesn’t love us. Quite the opposite. He loves us enough to let us struggle. He loves us enough to let us make mistakes. He loves us enough to push us to become our best selves. He loves us enough to keep us from some pleasures because he knows that joy is much more fulfilling and infinitely longer lasting. As parents, leaders, and teachers, I hope we can all do the same.
